The Enemy Between Your Ears: How To Not Stand In Your Own Path To Success

More than one new associate has thrived in law school and landed the job of their dreams, only to find themselves stressed out and disillusioned quickly after starting practice. Sometimes, the cause is external: Demanding work schedules, a poor fit with the firm, personality conflicts.

Sound familiar? Before you get too spun up about it, make sure the source of your problems isn’t you. In the words of American surfer Laird Hamilton: “Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears.”

As a young attorney, I earned praise from partners and was trusted with responsibilities from both supervisors and clients; I even brought in a few clients. There were still times when I questioned both my decision to be a lawyer and my ability to do the work I loved.

It isn’t unusual to doubt yourself. However, looking back, I’m also able to see that my thinking and lack of emotional intelligence played an important role in my job satisfaction. Here’s what I recommend to keep yourself emotionally calibrated as you enter the practice of law.

You aren’t perfect—and that’s OK

The transition to associate life can be challenging even if you were at the top of the curve in law school. You will make mistakes. You will face constructive criticism. And you will encounter difficult personalities.

It won’t always be easy, but don’t let it weigh you down, thinking you are not a good lawyer. Instead, try to pour your energy into learning how to improve and move on. A heavily redlined document doesn’t mean you have no future at a firm; understand why the revisions are necessary so you can reframe your next document. Most if not all mistakes are fixable; learn what you can from them and only make new mistakes!

Don’t project other people’s situations onto your future

Consider advice and input you receive from others, but don’t give it undue influence by allowing it to impact your thinking or cloud your enthusiasm.

The first-year associate on a different case is stressed out because he does not like working with the mid-level associate, but that does not necessarily mean you won’t like working with him if the opportunity arises. The senior colleague you look up to did not make partner and the ones who are up next year are freaking out, but that does not mean you won’t make partner a few years from now.

Business organizations and decisions are complicated. Before you let anecdotes from colleagues influence your decisions and behavior, run them through the filter of their personalities, time, and opinion.

Challenge yourself

Often the only thing standing between you and success is your willingness to say “Yes” when opportunities come your way.

As a young attorney, my supervisor often put great opportunities in front of me: An oral argument in one case, defending an expert’s deposition in another. My first thought, sometimes, was that it would be better for the client if someone with more experience and knowledge would handle it. I was lucky that my supervisor didn’t let me shortchange myself, and I ended up taking on many of these challenges and gaining fantastic experience.

On another occasion, a partner asked me to help him run an after-school law apprenticeship for inner-city middle school kids. I sat in my office and thought of all the reasons why it was a terrible idea: I was busy; I had no experience teaching; I was not interesting enough to hold their attention. I was also convinced they’d probably be taller than me! If my respect for this partner had not pushed me to accept the challenge, I would not have discovered my passion for teaching, and I would not be doing what I’m doing today.

It’s not all glamour, but you can focus on the positive

Whatever your strengths, you won’t get all the plum projects right out of the gate. Maybe you loved oral advocacy or negotiation in law school, but now you’re doing document review or due diligence.

Bring enthusiasm and excellence to everything you do, and great opportunities are likely to open. You never know whom you’ll meet, who will notice you, or who might appreciate all your hard work. For me, the beginning of a powerful client relationship with a big tech company started when I was a second-year associate tasked with managing their document collection and production. I used the opportunity to fully learn and document the client’s processes and preferences, and became indispensable to the client relationship.

Ask for what you want!

It surprises me when I talk to associates who are doing fantastic work and have built wonderful relationships with supervising attorneys, yet have trouble asking for even small opportunities. Nothing is more exciting to partners than an enthusiastic junior attorney who takes responsibility for their own advancement—if you do it professionally and at the appropriate time.

Making an ask is all about your approach: You need to get the tone and timing right. Explain why you can add more value, rather than demanding what you want. And, be gracious if the answer is no.

When timing your request, be cognizant of your audience’s availability and mindset; if a partner is stressed out because of an upcoming hearing, you may want to be patient and hold off for a bit, if possible. It almost goes without saying that you should also keep your bargaining power in mind—and you do have some. As you build credibility and rapport, you can and should ask for better opportunities.

Whether you have your sights set on new opportunities, getting a promotion, or just keeping yourself sane on a day-to-day basis, it all starts with your mindset. Half the battle is getting past the hurdles you put on your own path to reach the results you’re looking for.

Originally published on Above the Law, January 27, 2017