The World Can Wait: Wellness, Self-Care, and Making Yourself A Priority | Episode 2

The World Can Wait: Wellness,

Self-Care, and Making Yourself A Priority

Episode 2: Real Friends

Chantel Johnson

“How many of us are real friends to real friends?

To the real end?

‘Til the wheels fall off, ‘til the wheels don’t spin?”

- Kanye West

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships. I’m not entirely sure why, considering we make friends throughout our entire lives. Maybe it’s because law school forces one to re-think every aspect of their life. Or perhaps it’s because law school (and the time constraints that come with it) forces one to prioritize people and activities that make the most sense for them. Whatever the reason may be, I’ve been thinking a lot about life and what it means to have real friends, especially throughout my legal journey.

Wavelength. We all deserve people who are on the same page as us. To clarify, I’m not saying that we need friends who are like us in every single way. But there’s something to be said about friends who say less but do more. Friends who believe in reciprocity. Friends who value our time. These vibes do not go unnoticed. I’ve noticed that some of my best friends in law school are not those who are on the exact same career path as me but are those who appreciate and show up in the same way that I do. And I think that’s beautiful.

Celebration. Law school is so interesting (at least that’s the word I’ll use for now). For many of us, we will apply for the same jobs and opportunities as our friends. But who said you must compete? During 1L, I experienced the competitive nature of a friend or two which struck me as very strange. Mainly because there are many opportunities in the legal field, and there are especially a lot of law firms and organizations to go around. And most importantly, your gift will make room for you. It is possible to find a legal internship that you enjoy while also celebrating your friend for finding a legal internship that they enjoy. It is important – and dare I say imperative – to find friends in law school who have a similar mindset. It just makes law school less draining and more productive.

Accessibility. Suppose for a second that you ponder about the person you will be in 5-10 years as much as I do. Besides the basic questions pertaining to daily habits or work ambitions, a key question (in my opinion) should surround accessibility. Who has access to you? Are they compatible with the life you are trying to create for yourself? Most importantly, are they good for you? Not everyone is good for you, even if you are good for them. Too often we spend time on people who may not necessarily deserve our energy. Being cognizant of who takes up our time is key to determine who actually deserves it.

Normalization. I personally think there is a misconception concerning friendships. We are often conditioned to believe that we must remain in a friendship even if certain pillars turn up missing (e.g., celebration, accessibility, etc.) I’ve spent a long time thinking this way myself. But if someone does not celebrate you, does not hold space for you, or generally does not treat you well, that friendship should probably be left alone. To that end, it is possible to leave a friendship on good terms. Perhaps there is no good cop or bad cop. Maybe there is just two people – who are both amazing people in their respective rights – but are not amazing to or for each other, for whatever reason. If it is really true, then, that you hold onto a person best by letting them go, perhaps you are doing that person a favor (and yourself a favor, too).

Real friends. How many of us are real friends to real friends? Kanye, while questionable, was onto something here. Sometimes we are real friends to those who are not real friends to us. Sometimes, for some people, it can be the other way around. Regardless, friendships impact our mental health, for better or for worse. Therefore, we should take stock – every week, every month, or however many times necessary – to ensure a friend is adding value to our lives instead of quite frankly, just taking up space.

But then again, who knows? This is a lot of unsolicited advice. But life is short and law school is hard. The least we can do is find good people to help us along the way.