Legally First | Part III: Imposter Syndrome

Legally First: Navigating the Legal Profession

as a First-Generation Minority Student

Part III: Imposter Syndrome

Welcome back to Legally First! This is the third installment of the series where I cover imposter syndrome. To the folks who have followed this column from the beginning, thank you. To my newcomers, welcome, but be sure to check out the first two installments when you have the chance.

Imposter syndrome is the belief that you are not as competent as others perceive you. It impacts many people in different ways and can cause self-doubt that you belong or that you are worthy of your accomplishments. I’ve dealt with imposter syndrome for as long as I can remember. Growing up, black family members and friends often ostracized me for acting too white, and white family and friends criticized me for being too black. What it means to act white or be too black, I don't know. But these comments left me feeling like I didn't belong anywhere that I went. When I started college, I even sat in the front of all of my classes to avoid being reminded of the fact that I didn’t belong, especially because I was the only minority in the class or one of very few.

I’d love to sit here and say that I have completely overcome my struggle with imposter syndrome, but I have not. As a Black woman, I often feel the need to assimilate with white culture in professional settings. For instance, I sometimes talk differently because I’m afraid that professors, interviewers, and legal professionals won't take me seriously if I don’t. During my freshman year of college, a professor commented on the fact that I’m very articulate. For years, I took this kind of statement as a compliment, not realizing it is a microaggression that continued to feed into my imposter syndrome.

My hair is another area where I continue to struggle with embracing my authentic self versus feeling the need to fit in with corporate culture. Some days, I wear braids because they are low maintenance, and other days, I wear my naturally curly hair. Most days, however, I wear extensions because I have this preconceived notion that straight hair is professional hair and wearing anything else would cause me to lose out on job opportunities. During the second semester of my 1L year of law school, I went to a Big Law interview with my hair in its naturally curly state, but I pulled it back into a slick bun, so employers wouldn't notice my 4B hair texture. For me, this was a step towards acceptance, but at the same time, it wasn't. During my second year of law school, I went to another Big Law interview with box braids. Even though I was breaking the norm once again, I was also hoping that the interviewers wouldn’t judge me because of my braids. In both situations, I received summer associate offers. However, I couldn’t help but wonder if my natural hair or braids were a problem, but the fact that I was “articulate” and “poised” tipped the scale for me.

Positive affirmations helped me overcome this feeling. I started telling myself that I deserve to be in every space that I enter without feeling inadequate. Failing to show up as my authentic self with natural or straight hair or braids is a disservice to me.

Imposture syndrome also impacts how I show up to spaces. After leaving most professional meetings, I’m exhausted from the need to over assimilate. I sit on Zoom calls for 30 minutes or more and smile even when I don't feel like it, fearing that the other person will view me as unapproachable if I stop smiling. To overcome this feeling of exhaustion, I've accepted that sometimes I cannot be fully present, and it's okay to let the other person know and reschedule. If I can’t reschedule, I make sure to let the other person know what I’m feeling and that I’ll be physically present but only as mentally engaged as my circumstances will allow. Life is about extending grace and setting proper boundaries and being honest and open about your exhaustion will allow for that to happen.

Sometimes, I get so annoyed with wondering if I'm in a room because I deserve to be or because someone was trying to meet a diversity quota. However, I constantly remind myself that I am worthy and deserving of every opportunity that I’m presented with. I was never created to fit in, only to stand out. Be your true self in all spaces and at all times. Not the person that everyone expects you to be and not the one people pressure you into being. The world deserves to know the real you.

Thank you for following along with Legally First! Stay tuned for the last article in June, where I’ll discuss understanding your value and branding yourself.